Relationships

How Can I Support My Intermarried Cousin Even Though I Know She Made a Wrong Choice?
February 3rd, 2012

Dear Jew in the City,

My cousin recently got married to an non-Jew. How can I support her even though I know she made a wrong choice?!!!

Thanks,
A Concerned Cousin Continue reading How Can I Support My Intermarried Cousin Even Though I Know She Made a Wrong Choice?

Posted in Q&A, Relationships | Comments (6) »

I’m Becoming More Observant – Does it Ever Get Easier?
October 25th, 2011

Dear Jew in the City,

My cousin showed me your page when I started becoming interested in Orthodox Judaism. Since then (that was over 6 months ago) I started learning with someone, which is going great. I was just curious of a simple yet not so simple question. Is it always this difficult? (And I mean that in the nicest way possible.) This question is more geared toward family and friends. The learning part I find interesting and love to learn so that isn't difficult to me. But lately I have been having trouble incorporating shabbat in my house because my family is not shomer shabbos and not always so welcome of the idea of me becoming shomer shabbos either. When I am at friends or other areas where the people are shomer shabbos I love it and want to do it every weekend. But when I am at home it is very difficult. How can I incorporate shabbos when I am home so I can keep doing it and eventually become shomer shabbos no matter where I am? Also, do the issues of becoming Orthodox with your family (conservative jewish family) ever get any easier?

Thank you so much for your time. I truly love your videos, articles, and Q&A. It is a huge help and is such a welcoming and awesome website.

Thanks again and I hope to hear from you soon.

Cara
Continue reading I’m Becoming More Observant – Does it Ever Get Easier?

Tags: ba'al teshuvah, conflicts, growth
Posted in Personal Growth, Q&A, Relationships | Comments (5) »

How Do You Turn a Man Who Isn’t Ready for Commitment into One Who Is?
August 30th, 2011

Dear Jew in the City,

I know it's important to date and marry a Jewish man, but I'm having a really hard time finding quality Jewish men in my hometown! Do I really have to move to LA, NY, or Israel to find my soul mate?

Also, I've found a Jewish man I am in love with. However, we have been dating on and off for three years. We're currently not together, but I'd really like to be again. It seems like he would too, but he is not "ready." I know it's a commandment in the Torah for men to marry, but do you have any advice on how to turn a man who isn't ready for commitment into one who is?

Best,
Beth from San Deigo

Continue reading How Do You Turn a Man Who Isn’t Ready for Commitment into One Who Is?

Tags: marriage, shidduch dating
Posted in Q&A, Relationships | Comment (1) »

Why Is Everyone Turning Against Me Now That I’m Becoming More (Jewishly) Observant?
April 7th, 2011

Dear Jew in the City,

I am 16 and have recently become more observant. I was born conservative, and through volunteering with the Special Needs program at my Chabad and eventually studying and becoming very close with my rebbetzin, I have come to love Judaism and decided to follow it more closely.

The hardest part of it, though, is the rejection I am getting from the weirdest places. My grandmother, who is Jewish herself, told me I should marry a regular Jewish boy, not an orthodox one, and that I should stop hanging around the Chabadniks. My lifeskills teacher, who ironically enough, is supposed to be teaching us about equality, said that the rule that a man shall not lie with a man as he lies with a woman is irrelevant because "the same chapter of the bible says we can't eat shellfish-- so "ya'll going to hell, and we can't shave our beards-- ya'll going to hell". When I was complaining about this to my best friend in the whole world who is a gender-queer young adult with female anatomy, she got defensive and pulled the "women are unclean when they menstruate" card and said that being LGBTQI is much harder than being Jewish. I then proceeded to remind her of the Holocaust, the Inquisition and Pogroms, and she said she didn't want to play the "who is more oppressed game."

This was just today.

I love Judaism. I love my Grandma and my Lifeskills teacher and my best friend, but they won't listen when I explain how different Judaism is than they think. I EVEN SHOWED THEM YOUR VIDEOS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

How do I continue my relationships while still being as observant as I want? How can I nurture my friendships without going insane?

Sincerely,

JL of Studio City

Continue reading Why Is Everyone Turning Against Me Now That I’m Becoming More (Jewishly) Observant?

Tags: ba'al teshuva, lech lecha
Posted in Q&A, Relationships | Comments (11) »

I Just Called to Say I Love You: Why Orthodox Jews Pray Every Day
February 9th, 2011

One afternoon, about six years ago, when I called my husband at work, his secretary informed me that he hadn't arrived that day. My heart pounded as my fingers instinctively dialed the numbers to his cell phone. When it went straight to voicemail, I was certain my worst nightmare had come true.

Continue reading I Just Called to Say I Love You: Why Orthodox Jews Pray Every Day

Posted in Articles, God, Inspiration, Prayer, Relationships | Comments (5) »

Help! I Can’t Find a Husband Because I’m too Religious for Some and Not Enough for Others
January 7th, 2011

Dear Jew in the City,

I am a somewhat observant Jew in a big city with a decent Jewish population, but I am having trouble finding my bashert. I am not Orthodox and while many of my friends and family members are, and I understand and respect living an Orthodox life, I know certain aspects like being shomer negiah and dressing tznius (modestly) are not who I am.

I keep a kosher home, and observe Shabbos in my own way (I dont drive, but watch tv). My problem is that to the majority of the Jewish guys I am considered too religous as they like to go out Friday nights to get cheesburgers and go to the movies, which I won't do. The other guys are all Modern Orthodox and want a wife who will wear a sheital and what not. I am 26 and ready to find my husband, but I am starting to think I might have to become less religious or more religious than I am comfortable with in order to do so. I don't want to change who I am for someone, but I'm out of ideas. What should I do? Should I move somewhere with a bigger and more middle of the road community instead of here where it is all or nothing?

Thanks,

Jessica

Continue reading Help! I Can’t Find a Husband Because I’m too Religious for Some and Not Enough for Others

Tags: dating, marriage
Posted in Personal Growth, Q&A, Relationships | Comments (14) »

“Is Birth Control Kosher for Orthodox Jews?” Ep.2, Season 2
October 4th, 2010

Why do Orthodox Jews have so many kids? Is birth control ever allowed? Watch this video to find out.

Tags: birth control, contraception, large Orthodox families
Posted in Myths, Relationships, Videos, Women | Comments (13) »

How Can You Be an Orthodox Jew Considering Its Position on Homosexuality?
April 28th, 2010

Dear Allison,

My life used to be on a trajectory very similar to the one yours took. I was raised as a Conservative Jew and, as a teenager, was enchanted by the spiritual and intellectual depth of Orthodox Judaism. My would-be journey was abruptly cut short, though, when I realized that I was gay, and that if I lived in an Orthodox community I would be forced to live as half a person -- alone without the love or intimacy of long-term commitment that is as essential to the soul as food and water are to the body. I chose love and intimacy in the secular world over spiritual death in the Orthodox world.

I am obviously not alone. Countless gay Jews have abandoned Orthodox Judaism because of its attitude towards homosexuality. And who can blame them? Would you remain Orthodox if the Torah prescribed you loneliness and celibacy? Would you remain in your community if it blessed and celebrated commitments between gay Jews while forbidding your love for your husband? When will the Orthodox world offer a sincerely empathetic response to the suffering of its gay members (not one that denies their existence or condemns them to misery)?

For me and every other gay person I know, these questions are inextricable from our (frequently negative) opinions of Orthodox Judaism.

Respectfully yours,
K.L.

Continue reading How Can You Be an Orthodox Jew Considering Its Position on Homosexuality?

Posted in Myths, Q&A, Relationships | Comments (36) »

I Wanna Hold My Wife's Haaaand, I Wanna Hold Her Hand
March 23rd, 2009

Dear Jew in the City-

Thanks a million for your video, "Jewish Women...Dirrty?" which explains a lot. However, after watching it, I still have a question, which maybe you can answer for me. A friend of mine (an observant Orthodox Jew) told me, that during the time of the month that she and her husband don't touch, they literally don't touch at all or even pass each other any item directly (when she needs to pass an item to her husband she needs to put it in front of him on a desk or something. He can only take the item when she's not touching it any more).

Continue reading I Wanna Hold My Wife's Haaaand, I Wanna Hold Her Hand

Posted in Q&A, Relationships | Comments (2) »

"Jewish Women…Dirrty?" Episode 5
February 26th, 2009

Do Orthodox Jews consider women dirty during their monthly cycle? Watch this video to find out.

Posted in Relationships, Videos, Women | Comments (4) »

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