Dear Allison,
I have really enjoyed reading all your articles and watching your videos -- they answer many questions (some that I didn't even know I had). One of the many things you're good at is explaining the idea of modesty within the Jewish tradition. I recently had a Sabbath meal with a somewhat famous rabbi from the most religious part of Jerusalem, and I mostly knew what to expect. But one thing caught me off guard -- the women didn't sing because it was considered immodest. I found that especially hard to grasp and confusing because I am a singer who is possibly interested in conversion. I thought that you could help to explain a bit about why this is, and if there are contexts that are different. This may be a decision between my future career and religion. Maybe some more information would help my decision.
Thank you!
KK
Dear KK,
Thanks for your question. The issue of women not singing in front of men (kol isha) is difficult for many people to grasp in this day and age, but let's start with the practical side of the law before we get into the philosophy behind it. Practically speaking, not all Orthodox women at all Shabbos meals refrain from singing in front of men. The strictest view, as you saw at the meal you attended, is that women, under no circumstance, sing any type of song in front of men they're not related to.
But there are more lenient opinions as well. (See this article for a list of sources.) As always, my goal is not to make rulings as to what my readers should or shouldn't do, but rather to make known that there are a range of opinions on this issue (and many others) depending on what Orthodox community and rabbi a person associates with.
In my circles, women often do sing at Shabbos meals, though, no one ever belts out a solo! The first circumstance where one could be more lenient is if a woman sings with at least one other person, as the Talmud says, "trei kali lo mishtamai,” which means that two voices cannot be heard simultaneously, or in other words, a women's voice will blend when mixed in with at least one other voice.
Another leniency that some people rely on is that there are certain types of songs which men do not derive pleasure from when a woman sings them. These apply to the types of songs sung at a Shabbos meal (zemiros), songs sung to children, and lamentations for the dead.
Finally, there are some who say that it is permissible for a man to hear a recorded song sung by a woman if he doesn't know what she looks like since the Talmud states that, "the yetzer hara (evil inclination) is not interested in what the eyes do not see.”
Now, even if someone relied on every one of these leniencies, observing the laws of kol isha would still be somewhat restrictive for both men and women. So why, you might wonder, do we do it then? First and foremost, a Torah abiding Jew believes that the mitzvos brought down in the Torah and extrapolated in the Talmud are the will of God and are what we Jews supposed to be doing in this world.
But as rational beings, an explanation always helps, and understanding the philosophy behind this law is not as hard as you might think. The singing voice of a woman is referred to as "ervah" in the Talmud, which literally means "naked," but is best understood as that which is not meant for public consumption. The Talmud also lists parts of the body that are meant to be kept private. For a woman, it's the arms from the elbows and up, the legs from the knees and up and everything in between. A married woman covers her hair as well. (As with all laws of modesty, women are more restricted in what they can show, whereas men are more restricted in what they can see and hear. See here for an explanation.)
There's a time, though it's hard to remember now, when society recognized the sensuality to a woman's singing voice. The legend of the sirens in Greek mythology (and was present in many other cultures' folklore later on) is a great example of the seductive nature with which a woman's voice was once regarded.
And even as recently as 1962, Marilyn Monroe's famous "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" serenade still caught people's attention for its sultriness. Fast forward a couple of decades and enter Madonna who broke down every barrier there was in regard to singing and sexuality. After her, singing in one's underwear was no longer a big deal. And now, in our Lady Gaga obsessed world, people are so bored with just plain overt sexuality that this singer has to go to bizarre lengths in her costumes (bird's nests for hats, dresses made out of bubbles) and video themes to get people's attention.
Now some people might think that this is a good thing. Why should something like a singing voice be off limits to the general public? It holds women back. The problem with such an argument is that it doesn't end there. There are those who go a step further and believe that men shouldn't be phased by the site of a woman's bare breasts either! In fact, a group of women recently marched topless down a street in Portland, Maine in an effort to fight what they consider a double standard between the way men's breasts are viewed and the way women's breasts are viewed.
Their goal was for society to have the same disinterest when seeing a woman's chest as they do when seeing a men's chest, but such a scenario would be nightmarish according to Jewish thought. Though we believe that sexuality is meant for a private setting only, we also believe that it is essential that a wife's body be an object of desire for her husband and vice versa.
Unfortunately, with the over-saturation of sex in our society, it takes more and more for anyone to get excited about anything these days. That's probably why someone like Tiger Woods - a man married to a gorgeous swimsuit model - was unable to stay satisfied within his own marriage.
Years ago, when I was a freshman in college, a Jewish acapella group performed a concert one Friday night. The singing was enjoyable, but basically uneventful until a female soloist emerged.
She was a pretty girl, but not in an eye-catching way. Most guys in the room probably wouldn't have looked twice if they saw her walking down the street. But suddenly she began to sing. And with her beautiful, deep, sultry voice, I watched all the guys around me watching her, taken in by her song. I'm sure many of those guys thought of that singer again and not in the way they think about their sister!
Now of course not all women are blessed with such an instrument, but the laws of modesty are made across the board. The idea is that if a woman possesses such a gift, she should be saving it for her husband's enjoyment only. As for the men out there - Judaism believes that they shouldn't be deriving that kind of pleasure from a random woman on a stage. Passion like that should be reserved for one woman and one woman only.
Of course living a life based on modesty is somewhat restrictive, but we observant Jews, who have experienced the magic that can come with a modest lifestyle understand how much is gained with this sacrifice: if everyone walks around showing everything off all of the time, there's never a chance to uncover. However, if you set aside certain parts of yourself only to be uncovered and discovered at a special time with a special person, it can create an excitement that even the richest golf star can't buy.
Sincerely yours,
Allison
Allison, I love this post! I think of Ariel in the Disney animation and how she attracted the prince with her voice. And how Ursula the sea-witch used the same beautiful voice to convince him to marry her.
Even my 5 year old daughter likes to swish her hair in the tub like Ariel as she sings “ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah….”
It’s a very magnetic song. I’m sure they spent hours and hours trying to cast that character – to get just the right voice!
Posted by Leah on July 29, 2010 at 11:55 pm
I think it’s sad men (and women) are conditioned in our Western society (and some other places)to think about sex so easily. Whether a woman is completely dressed or not, he’ll think about it. In Africa (I only went to 1 country) a girl showed her boobs and nobody cared, I love that about them. There simply shouldn’t be a big hoopla about bodies in general, we all have one!
Posted by Galit on July 30, 2010 at 12:19 am
Galit, I don’t think Western society conditions people to think about sex (it’s part of human nature) – I think it just bombards them with constant images of it, and ends up desensitizing everyone to it. You’re obviously entitled to your opinion, but I’d be curious if any married women reading this would agree with you and want their husbands to not care about the sight of their “boobs.” I’d also be curious if any married men reading this would hope for a day when the sight of their wives “boobs” would be no big deal to them.
Posted by Allison on July 30, 2010 at 3:35 am
My husband’s allowed to stop caring about mine when I turn 80, but even then it would probably annoy me if he did.
Posted by AshleyRoz on July 30, 2010 at 12:33 pm
Thank you SO much for explaining kol isha! I knew the rules but nobody ever explained to me the REASON behind the rules. It’s why I’m such a fan – you give cause to the laws. I hope your pregnancy is going well, Allison, and I look forward to your next article.
Posted by KE on July 30, 2010 at 8:17 pm
This article really reinforced the explanations I’ve heard concerning kol isha. I’ve been offerred the opportunity to perform gigs this year and really use my musical talents as a job. I’ve just recently started returning to Judaism through dressing tzniut and keeping shabbos and shomer nagiya etc. But being a singer/songwriter is will be hard for me to tell the man who “discovered” me at my Mother’s friends birthday party that as Jewish girl, it’s not proper to make a proffesion out of my songs for the modern world.
Posted by Shaina on September 1, 2010 at 1:33 am
I don’t get it. Well, actually I think I do, but I don’t like it. If a woman is a gifted singer, she can’t sing publicly because strange men may be aroused by it. Why should a woman be responsible for a man’s inability to control his thoughts? Why should a woman be required to use her vocal gifts only around her family? What if she never marries? She never gets to sing in public? And how is this different than hair-covering? Single women are allowed to have their hair uncovered in order to help them find a husband. Why wouldn’t single women who are good singers be allowed to sing around men for the same reason?
Posted by Batsheva on September 21, 2010 at 12:46 am
Thanks for your comment, Batsheva. I understand your frustration, but let me clarify a few things. This isn’t a one way street – it’s not only that a woman isn’t supposed to sing in front of men – men are equally required to avoid hearing women sing. The onous is on both parties, so a woman technically could start singing in public, but then the man would have to take pains to avoid hearing her. We look at modesty as a partnership in general. Women try not to be sexually provocative around random men (they can and should be plenty provocative around their husbands!) and men should try to avoid random women that are being provocative.
A woman *can* sing in public, and marriage has nothing to do with it, but it can only be for an all woman audience or according to more lenient opinions, it can only be in a duet or larger group (as opposed to a solo).
In terms hair being used to help a woman find a husband and singing voice not, while you’re right that hair is a permitted part for a single woman, thighs and upper arms, for instance, are not. A person could easily argue that mini-skirts or sleeveless shirts should also be permitted so that a woman can find a husband, but that’s not where the cut off is.
At the end of the day part of accepting this law (and many other laws) is having an appreciation for the system of Jewish law. It’s not something that is be easily understood by just reading a short blog entry, but if a person is interested in understanding why many Jews do respect the system of Jewish law (and the rabbis that help expound it) in depth study as well as practice is necessary.
Posted by Allison on September 21, 2010 at 2:57 am
This issue is being presented purely from a point of view of popular culture, somehow when a woman sings in a way that is exclusive of the “pop” side of things, the accusations made about what would prompt “kol isha” then could possibly largely evaporate.
Examples of this would be Grand Opera and/or soloists and choruses that would appear, for example, in Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony; no sultry “Happy Birthday” here!
Even on the more serious side of what might still be considered Popular Music, such as Ella Fitzgerald singing “standards” (I’m now sure that you or your audience would know what a “Standard” is) this obviously does not apply, at least in the given description of “Kol isha.” After all, an Ella Fitzgerald will approach this material, within her own style, of course, with pretty much the same, basic musicality of the true purist much as a male in the same field would, such as Frank Sinatra or even Bing Crosby. Nothing overtly sexy about the singing of these two!
Somehow a woman’s singing can never be that of classical music or the Rodgers & Hart Songbook; this arena is too sensitive to be trod upon.
Yep, it’s the same old story; the religionist has to justify what she does by defining secular society as a place of “Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll;” secular culture is somehow never defined as Maria Callas singing Bellini’s “Norma” or Jonas Salk spending seven years trying to figure out a polio vaccine.
Typical anti-intellectualist cop-outs from the religionist.
Posted by Michael P. Goldberg on December 17, 2010 at 10:17 am
Thanks for your comment, Michael, but there are two things I would like to address. First is your observation that not all songs are overtly sexual and second is how Orthodoxy views the secular world.
Let’s start with the issue of the songs. You’re absolutely correct that not all songs have a sexuality or even sensuality to them. Not all voices do either and frankly not all people are sexy or even the least bit attractive. So what then? Should Jewish law permit only tone-deaf women to sing and only flabby, cellulite legs to be shown? No. Jewish law does not discriminate when it comes to modesty. If something is in the category of things that *could* cause arousal, then it applies in all cases.
In terms of how Orthodoxy views secular culture, there’s a bit of a disagreement here even within the Orthodox world. The Talmud states “yesh chachma bagoyim” (there is wisdom within the non-Jewish nations), however the ultra-Orthodox community has decided that despite that wisdom that one could learn from the outside world, getting to involved in it is dangerous as it could lead an observant Jew from a Torah life and therefore the party-line of ultra-Orthodox Jews (in general) is to avoid the secular world as much as possible.
Modern Orthodoxy, however, looks at the fact that there is wisdom within the secular world as an opportunity to strengthen Torah knowledge and committment which is why the motto of Yeshiva University (the headquarters of Modern Orthodox learning) is “Torah U’Maddah” (Torah AND secular knowledge). There certainly are some Orthodox Jews who view secular culture as nothing more than sex, drugs, and rock & roll, but at the same time, there are plenty of Orthodox Jews who use secular knowledge, wisdom, and culture inasmuch as is permissible within Jewish law.
Posted by Allison on December 21, 2010 at 6:02 am
Allison, I’ve heard this argument about kol isha before. What you seem to be leaving out, however, is that there’s a clear double standard here. Men are not supposed to hear women sing, yet women can hear men sing? Is there no reason to suppose that women will be so aroused by men that they will lose control? This is why kol isha is such an objectionable concept to us Conservative (and Reform, and Reconstructionist) Jews.
Posted by Jeffrey on January 10, 2011 at 6:22 am
Thanks for your comment, Jeffrey. I wouldn’t call it a double standard – men are more restricted in what they can hear, but free in where they can sing. Women are more restricted in where they can sing, but free in terms of what they can hear.
Why the different treatments for the different sexes? Because Judaism believes that men and women are different – not just physically, but emotionally and spirtually as well. One is not better than the other – just different. First off – the prohibition of arousal is scientifically different for men as there’s an issue with “spilling seed” that women just don’t have.
But that aside, your average man and woman still think differently about sex objects. A fantasy with a sports car for your average man would be to have a hot, naked woman sprawled on top of it. For your average woman, the sports car fantasy would be to have a hot – fully clothed man – driving the car to pick her up for a date. Are there exceptions? Sure! But Judaism recognizes that in general there are certain differences between men and women and it tailors the laws based on those differences.
Here’s a post I wrote about why modesty is different between men and women in Jewish law: http://www.jewinthecity.com/2007/11/why-orthodox-men-dont-wear-wigs/
Posted by Allison on January 10, 2011 at 10:35 pm
Allison,
My wife and I wanted to commend you on the amazing work you are doing.
We stumbled upon your shabbos video on youtube, and have been devouring your articles, Q&A’s and videos ever since.
May Hashem grant you the strength and chizuk to continue the amazing work you have undertaken.
Kol Hakavod,
Eli & Chanie
Posted by Eli on July 28, 2011 at 11:35 pm
Amen! Glad you’re appreciating JITC so much!
Posted by Allison on July 29, 2011 at 1:05 am
i love JITC!GOING ON!
Posted by mammo on November 13, 2011 at 6:33 pm
I came to this site as a result of reading about the actress who plays Amy Farrah Fowler. My personal background is Protestant and Unitarian, and now I regularly attend Roman Catholic services with my wife, a lifelong Catholic.
A few years ago I went to a New Years Eve interfaith service held at a Catholic Church. Among the participants was a woman cantor from a Jewish congregation. I am now a little bit amused to learn that, just as the Catholic Church rejects female clergy, Orthodox Judaism rejects not only female clergy, which I knew already, but even female singing. She was probably from a Reform congregation. But maybe this was already a given, being that it was an interfaith celebration at a Catholic Church (Protestants and Muslims were there also).
In his book The Heart of Man, which I consider very wise, Erich Fromm says “The purpose of all the true religions is to help man overcome his narcissism.” I regard this as a modern paraphrase of Hillel’s famous one-sentence summary of the Torah.
May the human community eventually be well, happy, and at peace.
Posted by mistah charley, ph.d. on December 12, 2011 at 8:11 am
Bs’d I just wanted to say to Shaina (I hope she gets this) that she absolutely can make a career out of singing and I hope she does! Obviously it will be to women only audiences but there is a great market for that and we look forward her debut! Check out (aka Google) my new friend Chanale Fellig (and I am sure there are many others) for inspiration! Women only, of course.
Hatzlacha!
Posted by Hadassah Rivkah on February 1, 2012 at 8:21 am