In traditional Judaism, the basic goal of life is to achieve closeness to the Almighty (if I had to sum the basic goal of life up in a few words!) The vehicle for achieving that closeness (according to tradtional Jewish thought) is the practice of mitzvos and halacha. The problem with women reading Torah for each other in a group, is that no real mitzvah is happening in the process. When men get together, they form a minyan, so they are able to say blessings before they read the Torah. When women get together – it’s not because there bad in some way, God forbid – but no matter how many women get together, they do not create a minyan. Therefore no blessings are said, therefore no technical mitzvah is done.

Now people have made the “but they get a nice feeling from it” argument to me. And nice feelings are certainly nice. But according to Jewish thought, nice feelings (alone) do not create closeness to God – all they do is create nice feelings. An actual mitzvah accompanied by a nice feeling is the highest level, but there’s still an instrinsic value to performing a mitzvah even if the nice feeling is not there. I’ll give you an example in a less heated scenario than the gender based one we’re presently discussing.

There’s a mitzvah to eat in a Sukkah during the holiday of Sukkot. Men are obligated to, women are allowed to, but most do for many of the Sukkot meals because it’s a nice thing to do. A Sukkah is only considered kosher if the roof (the schach) is laid out a certain way with the leaves/branches that are there (they can’t be too dense or too sparse). Therefore, it’s possible for certain parts of the Sukkah to be kosher and other parts not (if the shach is not laid out evenly throughout). Now on to our example – a person might have a nice feeling sitting in Sukkah with family and friends, eating a festive meal, singing holiday song, etc. etc. but if s/he is not sitting under the right part of the schach – no actual mitzvah is being done. So what women’s Torah reading groups, in a sense are, is a group of women sitting in a Sukkah that they know has a schach that’s not kosher. They can be into the holiday spirit of it all, which can “feel” good, but if the schach they’re sitting under isn’t set up correctly, no actual mitzvah has taken place.

Now just an aside – I would never stop women from creating prayer groups in there own time and space – it’s not my business – everyone is free to live her life as she sees fit . But if we’re in a discussion about the pluses and minuses of such a practice, then this is my take. I certainly appreciate the desire that women have to want to connect. I think it’s beautiful. I just believe that we have to see how the system of connection operates and work within that.

You mention that you’ve bounced around to different types of shuls, but didn’t say that you’ve personally lived an Orthodox lifestyle which leads me to believe that you haven’t. I could understand that if you found a Conservative shul with nice singing and a pretty knowledgable, committed, friendly crowd, it could feel more inspiring than a bunch of men at an Orthodox shul who just quickly mumble through a bunch of prayers and go home.

I also totally hear that people could find Orthdoxy to be too restrictuve, but I think the people that feel that way are the ones with were raised in strict settings and were instructed to observe the commandments by rote, with no greater thought or meaning attached. Conversely, when a child has role models (parents, teachers, rabbis) who live a life of mitzvos with joy, meaning, consistency, in my experience such a child becomes an adult who views the observant life stlye the same way with the same joy and meaning.

In terms of finding the Conservative shul spiritually fulfilling, I guess I should clarify what my definition of spirituality is which is most likely is the place where you and I disagree. Spirituality to me is not necessarily that warm, fuzzy feeling you get inside when you’re inspired by a sunset, though, such feelings could arise in a spiritual moment. I personally believe, that as Rav Soleveitchik defines it in “Halachic Man,” that a spiritual experience happens in the pursuit of living a halachic life. That following, what I believe is God’s will, is what brings a person to spirituality. It feels especially nice when a Shabbos, a blessing, or a prayer can come along with that uplifting feeling, but it certainly doesn’t happen all the time.

Secondly, what I can say personally, is that when I read Torah as an adolescent, I memorized the parsha the night before my reading, I came in front of the community nervous that I would “mess up,” calmed my fears by remembering that just about no one listening knew what it was really supposed to sound like, and ultimately judged my reading by the praise I received from the Rabbi, Cantor, family, friends, and community. I felt superficially important because I had this “skill” that very few in my Conservative synagogue had. But never once in all the times I read did I feel that I was doing this to get close to G-d, to do what I was meant to do in this world, and never once did I actually feel that I accomplished anything spiritually at all. And I definitely never felt fulfilled in any way other than feeding my ego.

But when you look at the foundation of the world from an “Orthodox” perspective, the whole point of life is to get closer to G-d and to improve ourselves as people using the tools He gave us (mitzvos). G-d created us with all of our gifts and He gave us mitzvos with which to accomplish whatever we, as individuals, need to do in this world. Hashem, as our Creator, gives us everything we need, and halachic Judaism gives everyone their specific mitzvos to fulfill their missions on this Earth. It’s not just Men vs. Women. It’s Men, Women, Leviim, Cohanim, Cohanim Gadolim, Kings, daughters of Leviim, daughters of Cohanim… We all have different mitzvos. When we look for others’ mitzvos it’s like doing someone else’s homework for them; it’s enjoyable momentarily because it’s not your own obligation. But at the end of the day fulfillment comes from doing your job and nobody else’s because that’s when you work towards becoming the person G-d created you to become.

I can tell you from experience that I realize more and more each day how my deep, spiritual, fulfillment only comes from doing the mitzvos that G-d specifically gave to me and I appreciate what a Great G-d we have to give us specific instructions on how to achieve individual fulfillment in this world– I see it as a shame when people sneer their nose at that and call it inequality rather than individual love and attention.

I understand that some women might find it challenging to find meaning in their roles without their roles including participating in shul the same way men do, but getting back to the idea that I trust in the system itself, my own personal goal is to try to find meaning and purpose in the system since I believe the potential for spirtuality is there for any woman who endeavors to find it.

It is possible that it might, but there isn’t any guarantee that it will. 40 years of davening in a variety of shuls I still spend more time in Conservative where I find it spiritually fulfilling.

I have a number of friends who are FFB who found Orthodoxy to restrictive and went the other route.

For obvious reasons on Shabbos you don’t see Orthodox Jews in Conservative shuls. The point being that I have had discussions with many who label themselves as Orthodox but haven’t been in Conservative or Reform shuls. It is hard to speak authoritatively that way.

I am not denigrating or marginalizing others. Just commenting that you don’t have to be Orthodox to have a spiritual experience.

I have found, on the occasions when I go to hear a woman leyn, because it is something so rare and special (at least in the Orthodox world), women do not take this for granted, and imbue their readings with such spirituality. Whereas, sadly, many of the readers in my regular Orthodox shul read as if they can’t wait to get it over with.

I definitely agree that women should not be reading in place of men, or alongside men, but it should be noted that there are, indeed, opportunities for Orthodox women to read Torah, and to listen to other women read Torah, if desired.