Comments on: Are Orthodox Jews Sexist? (The Blog Version)

By: Allison

Allison — Tue, 10 May 2011 14:54:58 +0000

Thanks for your comment, Terri, but I’m not exactly sure what you’re referring to when you say “many people would argue that the way I live my life conforms to neither of the latter two labels. But I don’t do something that doesn’t have a well reasoned halakhic opinion behind it.”

I clearly have a public leadership role and am living a halachic life. There are plenty of opportunities for Orthodox women to be teachers and role models without breaking halacha. Also, the word Orthodox is just semantics. In my mind the most important questions are – are you following halacha? is there a mesorah (precedent for doing what you’re doing – which is an important element in halacha) and are you constantly striving and being intellectually honest?

By: Terri

Terri — Mon, 09 May 2011 14:00:32 +0000

My issue is that you clearly find meaning in a life like this, but not everyone does. There are other ways to live a halakhic life where women have a more public leadership roles. I am using the word halakhic as opposed to Orthodox (or even Modern Orthodox), as many people would argue that the way I live my life conforms to neither of the latter two labels. But I don’t do something that doesn’t have a well reasoned halakhic opinion behind it.

I am also not requiring anyone else to find my life religiously fulfilling. I’m simply posing the idea that it isn’t wrong to find a halakhically viable means of not fitting in to the traditional roles.

By: David

David — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 12:04:36 +0000

Part of the issue with the desire of women wanting to fulfil male synagogue roles is that modern American Judaism has cast asside most mitzvot, so all that is left is synagogue ritual. If you take away from a women mikveh, the bracha on seperating challah, lighting candles, plus lot’s of mitzvot that apply equally to BOTH men and women (Shabbos, kashrus, etc) of course she is going to want to be equal in syangogue, because otherwise there is no mark of Jewish identity.

By: Nina

Nina — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 23:50:44 +0000

Great article and video. I’m surprised you never mentioned what is for me the biggest factor:
There is a difference between “getting to” and “having to”. The man’s role is an obligation. He MUST daven 3 times a day, join minyan, wear tifilin, etc. whether he wants to or not. Biologically speaking, women’ have babies – can you thnk of anything worse than *having* to daven 3 times each day at set times while caring for a baby? etc

By: Allison

Allison — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 00:25:49 +0000

Mark-
I don’t know if there are any groups out there working on finding a way for men to have babies, but until then, maybe we can just appreciate that everyone has their own challenges as well as benefits in what they do!

By: Mark

Mark — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:35:10 +0000

How I wish my wife would attend synagogue instead of me. I’d love to spend time at home with the kids in the morning and not have to worry about reciting Shema in time or reviewing the parshah twice with targum.
I promise, if the law is changed, I’ll never complain. I’d like six weeks off when she has a baby instead of helping her all night with the kids, gettng the others to school in the morning, davening each day with a minyan, and working all day.

By: Ruchi Koval

Ruchi Koval — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:35:49 +0000

Hey Allison,
This post was awesome. I always say that my 14-year-old (Orthodox) daughter and her friends have never felt deprived in their Judaism. If you would walk into the classroom and say, “How many feel that you’d like to read from the Torah?” not one would need that or even know why you were asking. Why? Because they are full. They are satiated in their Judaism. Their lives are rich with meaning, ritual, and tradition.
And I just have to say, too, that my Rabbi husband does bedtime almost every night, all the baths, clears and serves on Shabbat while I sit at the table, and I must say that Orthodox Judaism – or, in better terms – the Torah, has given him these values. Thanks again.

By: DR

DR — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 00:03:31 +0000

Thanks for your post, Allison. I would like to add that I also am a very happily married Orthodox woman, and I have the most wonderful, helpful man for a husband. He does most of our food shopping, plenty of our cooking, on top of being supportive of me in every way and never being critical of me– not to mention being the most involved father I could have ever imagined. Similar to what Allison said, I can honestly say that my Orthodox husband is way less misogynistic than my completely-secular father. It’s a shame that these sterotypes exist, because I find that Judaism gives men and women exactly what each one needs. That doesn’t mean we do everything the same way– for example, it makes my husband feel special to sit at the head of the table and make the blessings for us on Shabbos, and I think it’s important for men to have that. I, on the other hand, feel special to have a man who doesn’t look at other women– real or on screen, and who is always attentive and responsive to me. I believe when we give men the respect and leadership opportunities that they need, they in turn behave as the men we need– shopping and cooking included. I believe the two work together and every marriage–religious or not– would be improved by giving men the reverence they crave.
I would also like to add that I consider myself a “strong, educated woman” as you mentioned in your post– I’m pursuing a Ph.D. and and plan to have a career– in addition to caring for my family. I’d also like to say that I’m FAR more content than I ever was when I wasn’t religious. I remember a Rabbi saying to me, when I asked him about Orthodox women being oppressed, “go ask them.” His point was the very one you’re making, Allison, and it’s so wonderful that you can publicize this– most frum women don’t feel like second-class citizens– we share a true partnership with our husbands and we’re truly content– how many Americans today can say that? I think anyone who watched a true Torah marriage from the inside would be nothing short of envious.

By: Debbie Schoen

Debbie Schoen — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 23:49:26 +0000

Thank you for writing this. I am a Jew by choice. I studied for a year, and had my conversion done by my rabbi in a conservative congregation.
I also felt that something was missing,but there are so many untruths out there about the Orthodox, many from fellow jews. I was determined to find out. The more I read, the more observant I am becoming.
I found your site one day, and I’m so glad I did. I have learned so much already.
I’m trying to find an Orthodox rabbi to study with, but where I live, we are the only Jews. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Please keep writing. I learn so much. Thank you

By: Melanie Levenstein

Melanie Levenstein — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 23:20:36 +0000

I, too, was brought up in a non-religious home but also find comfort in the traditional roles Judaism gives men and women, or moreso, husbands/fathers and wives/mothers (perhaps I wouldn’t find the same comfort if I wasn’t married with kids, to be honest). I like that I am still obligated to daven (pray), but that I don’t have time constraints nor obligation to daven in a minyan (in shul) like men have. Being a mother, if I remember (I have a baby… I’m often so tired that I forget) to daven, I’m happy! Adding when and where to daven would make it impossible.
Lots of my friends are feminist Jews (I live in Israel) and try to do whatever they can to “equalize” the roles of Judaism (e.g. making the bracha over the challah on Shabbat). I just don’t care to change these roles. I joke with them that I’m the biggest female chauvinist. Maybe I am. But I just don’t see why it’s a problem to have different roles between the sexes. We’re NOT the same (physically, mentally/emotionally), but that doesn’t mean we’re not equal in other ways. Also, the fact that women are spritually elevated than men in Judasim is something that people forget when saying it is an archaic religion. Don’t take the elevation so lightly, people!
Thanks so much for this posting. You really wrote how I feel succinctly, and I bet there are many more women out there like us. It’s important for the world to know that women are not, and don’t FEEL like, second class citizens in Judaism! Thanks again!