What you speak to, as you mentioned, is not really an issue of conversion – it’s an issue of a person looking “atypically Jewish.” As you noted, people who are born Jewish (even religious) who look “atypically Jewish” are faced with questions and don’t get the same treatment as people who look “typically Jewish.”

It should be mentioned, that this is not just a problem in the Orthodox circles, but in all Jewish circles.

It’s very unfortunate that people behave this way and we Jews who look typically Jewish have to do a better job of making our Jewish brothers and sisters feel more welcome and comfortable. There’s no exuse for this behavior. I just hope that as the world get more open-minded about things in general (and I believe that that is the trend) that the open-mindedness makes its way into the Jewish circles.

If you are talking about Caucasian Jews, I agree with you 100% but, if you are talking about non-white Jews (black or African American Jews, specifically), I disagree wholeheartedly.  A non-white halachically Jewish convert or FFB is not seen as 100% Jewish. It is a real issue in the community; therefore, a non-white individual who is thinking of converting should ask themselves if it’s worth the headache. Non-white Jews have been wished good morning after saying good Shabbos to someone even when the person is wearing a Kippa and tzitzit. They also experience “daily” strangers questioning their Jewishness. They either get individuals asking them so when did you convert even though they were born Jewish or people wanting to know the most intimate details of their conversion if they had one. I don’t know what is worse constantly assuming people who are Jewish aren’t or asking the non-white Jew questions about their conversion like the stranger has a right to know. So, yes we are told to love the convert and to never remind them that they were converts; however, that is not the reality. There is nothing anyone can say to justify this kind of treatment of people just because they don’t look Jewish. Perhaps, Allison, you should write an article about that!

May I also add that when you convert please look deeply into the movement that you are converting in. I wish that all converts were required to go through an Orthodox conversion. That way you get the most thorough of Jewish Conversion experiences. There are many converts like me out there. We started in Reform, then to Conservative, and then to Orthodox. An Orthodox conversion is accepted in all mainstream movements in Judaism.

Also, prepare yourself for the way you will be treated by people in your life. Before I was Jewish I did not have Anti-Semites in my circle of friends; however, I clearly work with some. Last year it came to a boil during Hanukah. I put up my hanukiah with candles in my office. My office had decorated Christmas trees everywhere. I did ask that one not be put in my office, but the Christians I work with did not respect my request. I intended to keep the hanukiah (sans candles) up until New Years. What happened next floored me. I was told to take my hanukiah down. I firmly said to my Director, “The menorah comes down when the tree comes down.” That was not the first battle I had in office for my Jewish identity nor will I believe that it will be my last.

Like you, I have Muslim people in my family. I am lucky. The love that we have for each other as family members is higher than the dislike that our two religions have for each other. This year my family had a Vegetarian Eid-Shabbat Dinner. I am confident that we are the only family on the planet that did that. Hopefully, the love that your family has for you will eclipse the historical and current clashes between the religions.

Good Luck!
Shelly